Why can’t everyone just get along?
No, we can’t. It is totally irrational to expect everyone to get along. If there is any mistake we are commiting, it is raising our expectations to a level where we believe that everyone can just be friends.
And the other extreme is when we expect everyone to understand why we don’t get along. When we try hard to ascertain the fact that we are different. Some people go to great lengths to prove ‘This is how I am’.
It is not to say that I havent foolishly believed that everyone can get along. Or have not tried to prove my uniqueness. At times I have, rather naively, seen this world through rose coloured glasses. But i have fallen, picked myself up, and learnt my lessons. Sometimes, only to repeat the same mistake again.
But beyond the basic truth that we are all quibbling meat-things living in a world that believes that ‘no man is an island’, is a certain mental landscape that is way beyond, above and far from the uncertainities of human irrationalities. This mental homstead is a beatiful place where everyone needn’t get along. It is more of a state of conciousness, than a place with a zipcode. But to live in that almost dream-like state of mind one needs to be able to get over a few basic tendendencies.
The first tendency, which is human and hence not uncommon, is dependency. I believe that we should all be raised to be independent souls. We can then perform much better in our lives. But as I already mentioned, ‘no man is an island’ or, ‘Lays - You can’t eat just one’ is what we have been brought up to believe. And I have taught myself to believe otherwise.
But unfortunately, it isn’t very simple to start believing new things. For ages we have built cliche after cliche to make sure that we are tied-up and tied-down in layers and layers of complicated made-up relationships. Like marriage. And everything is such a viscious cycle there after.
So to start with, we need to break free…
Comment by small squirrel — February 8, 2005 at 3:34 am
hmmm… interesting thoughts…
I agree with the first part for sure… we DON’T all have to get along. It’s the same crap as when parents tell their children “everyone is the same on the inside” or “let’s not focus on the differences” Hmrph. Well no, everyone is NOT the same on the inside. Some people are aweful, some are wonderful, blah blah blah. And being different is OK. Being different for the sake of being different is, well, immature… but the rest is humanity. We should try to be civil and respecful whenever possible, but hell… there are times when you have to stick up for yourself, and that sometimes means being a hard ass. Thus the not getting along. It is what it is.
But the dependency thing. Ah yes, I used to think that way. And to a certain extent, I still do. I am 34 and not married. And I am not pressed to be married either. I have had offers, and I have broken an engagement… so obviously I don’t believe that I need another person to be whole. But I do need other people. I rely on them on a daily basis. Would I die without them? No. But life would be miserable and lonely without them at times.
I don’t think marriage is a made-up thing. There are animals that mate for life. But there are other species that do not. So maybe there are some people that aren’t meant for it. Maybe you are one of them. But I would go so far as to say that everyone isn’t, yeah?
Comment by nidrajiva — February 8, 2005 at 7:53 am
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Comment by nidrajiva — February 8, 2005 at 8:03 am
I knew I was treading on shaky grounds when I spoke about marriage
I am not even sure if I am the right person to speak about it, coz I am 24, single and not very unhappy about it.
That said, I think there is truth in the fact that we are all same on the inside. Although not many of us actually *realize* for ourselves what it is that we need deep down. We are quite happy exisiting on a very shallow level.
And what I can say for sure is - this shallow level existence reflects best in a long term relationship. And that is why I mentioned marriage.
(Agree? Disagree?)
Another thing to note here, squirrel, is the fact that marriage is seen differently in the west and the east. Over here it is not just about the union of 2 people. It is the coming together of 2 families and all the excess baggage that these two families bring. We are still orthodox about a lot of things (although I can’t generalize it about *all* Indians) & traditional ways of thinking still rule. I still live in that part of the world where for many, there are no second chances about marriage.
I am not against any tradition, but I sure do believe that there is no point in following it blindly (shallowly?). Times have changed and so have the ways in which people live together.
I didn’t want to come across as being against marriage. I am not against it!
I was speaking against the many invisible forces that make us think in a certain stereotypical way. Many of these forces, unfortunately, are within us. I am saddened by the fact that many chose not to think beyond the comfort of thinking sterotypically (esp over here).
That’s all I can say for a 24 year old
Comment by small squirrel — February 9, 2005 at 4:37 am
“Although not many of us actually *realize* for ourselves what it is that we need deep down. We are quite happy exisiting on a very shallow level. And what I can say for sure is - this shallow level existence reflects best in a long term relationship. And that is why I mentioned marriage.”
Ok maybe I am confused now, which is entirely likely given my penchant for confusion. But are you saying that as we go on in relationships we become complacent and therefore more shallow… are more likely to ignore what we really need?
Hunh. I think I might agree if that is what you mean.
Yes, I agree that marriage is seen much differently in the west and the east. This country at least has turned it into a joke. I find that sickening and it is partially why I am not married. If and when I do marry, it’s for good (barring some wildly unforseen circumstance). I am not someone who buys into this “everything is disposable” crap.
But here also, depending on your heritage, we also have the phenomenon of the families merging, and therefore the complications that come with it. It will be like that for me, anyway, since I am Italian.
I think it is good to question *everything*, which is obviously what you’re doing! I am sure you did not intend for me to question your questioning! HAHAHHA.
Comment by nidrajiva — February 9, 2005 at 3:30 pm
Haha..you know what is more fun than questioning? Someone questioning your questioning!!